Staying Positive and Trusting, Especially During the Challenging Times

Hiya friends, it’s been a little while. So grateful you are still here on the journey with me, and if you are new, welcome! <3

Many of you might already know this, but today marks one month since I left my corporate job without anything lined up. I know you might be thinking “woah, that’s a little brave (or CRAZY)” and I have thought the same thing many of times. I have even been thinking it today.

The thoughts and limiting beliefs of “why did I give up financial security?” or “why did I leave without at least ONE paying client?” or “am I really cut out for this?” or “why is this seemingly moving so slow?” or “what do people even think of me? they probably think I’m insane and super irresponsible.” or “will I fail and have to go back to corporate America?” - the last one being the scariest for me. Not because I am “admitting defeat” (which it isn’t even that, right) but because it was so unhealthy for me.

I am a big believer that some of us are really good at working in the corporate world, and maybe are even meant for it. Then there are others who get completely overwhelmed, bogged down, and feel completely disingenuous in that same role. This is how society works, we aren’t all good at one thing, we have a balance between all of us.

But let me tell you something - it is NOT easier or more shiny (at least at first) being on your own. There are so many unknowns, and there is also a lot of outside noise on what you should or could be doing instead. Doing anything “atypical” will naturally bring opinions, “advice”, and people who are wishing for your downfall. These limiting beliefs, or negative thoughts, from others can have a really discouraging effect on someone who is trying to break outside of traditional norms, and if they already have doubt or worry about their path, it only amplifies this.

While I have had a TON of support from friends, family, and peers in this space, there has also been negative outside noise. I think a lot of people think I am having a quarter-life crisis, since hey ANOTHER life update, I just stepped away from my three and a half year long partnership AND I am in the process of moving back to Indiana. Some might say I am “doing the most” and sometimes it feels that way. It feels like I don’t have much stable ground to hold onto, and the vertigo is real. I have had many breakdowns in the last 30 days, mostly after my relationship ended, because I felt like my world was falling apart.

When I left my job, I had the support of my partner to do so, and I wasn’t worried about my living situation or paying the bills (I had plenty saved) but now I am refocusing and realizing that living on my own is 1) a different cost entirely and 2) requires a stable income (hehe turns out I don’t have one of those rn).

So while my coaching is centered around nervous system regulation, stress management, and somatic work, I am struggling with severe anxiety in this transition. So many ruminating thoughts about the worst case scenario, so much disassociation from my body and feeling completely out of alignment with myself, so much fight or flight (and even freeze) responses happening. And I started convincing myself that because of this, I couldn’t help anyone. That voice kept saying “Who are you to help people?! You can’t even get your own stress and fears under control” or “Everyone knows you’re a fraud, you will never succeed.”

Even writing that makes me so sad, because I know how untrue this is. I am a firm believer in our mess being our message, so me struggling in the areas that I want to help others with is actually a blessing, because I get to expand my healing journey and elevate my knowledge and learning to help myself, which I can turn around and help others with too. Taking these big a$$ leaps also sets me up as an awesome resource for my clients in helping them achieve their greatest desires, being a fierce advocate for them to take risks on themselves and chase after their happiness and adding more love and joy into their lives. (Hey you, if you’re reading this and want to chat about any of this, PLEASE reach out to me through email - hannah@empowra.org)

The quote “where your attention goes, energy flows” is also such a big part of this chapter of my life, because it’s honestly pretty easy to dislike yourself, doubt yourself, question everything, and be your own biggest critic. We are conditioned throughout our lives to settle, to accept that “this is just the way that it is”, we associate our trauma and the things that happen to us as our identities, and we actually believe that we are the same entity as our thoughts. Let me tell you something though, none of this is true. Just because other people settle, doesn’t mean you need to. Just because others live by the motto “that’s just the way it is” doesn’t mean you have to. Just because our ego wants us to believe (mineness mentality) that we are the experiences that have happened to us, we are SO much more than that. We are not our parent’s divorce, or that jerk who cheated on us, or the bullies at school who call us names and make us feel so unloved. We are not the thoughts that try to keep us small, and despite them doing so to keep us safe, actually keep us perpetually unhappy and stuck.

We get to rewrite our story as often as we want. We get to choose how we move through life, what thoughts we think, what feelings we feel, what actions we take. We get to take back control of our journey and heal from all that stuff above. And yes, it’s sometimes really challenging. Not only because we aren’t taught how to do this, but because it’s painful to FEEL. To feel all the disappointment, all the fear, all the sadness, all the trauma. So many of us get stuck up in the mind in an effort to stop feeling, or maybe you were told you were “too much” or “too emotional” and so you stopped trusting that part of yourself because it deprived you of the love you so badly wanted and needed. But feeling is the only real way to live. You cannot have the love and joy and peace and excitement without the fear and sadness and anger and discomfort. It’s always yin and yang, the balance of life itself.

At the end of the day, we are innately wired to crave love. Why did our ancestors exist in tribes? Why are we drawn to partners? Why do we create social circles and rely on our friends? Why do we look to our parents throughout our childhood for everything? WE NEED LOVE, that’s why.

And yet, we are not taught how to love ourselves. We are not taught how to identify healthy forms of love, or how to walk away from toxic ones. We often associate our worth with the love we receive outside of ourselves, whether that be from accolades at work, or validation from our spouse, or being prioritized in friendships, or how people treat us on social media. We are in constant search of love, even in approval from strangers. And the moment we are let down in this way, we begin believing we are not worthy of it. We are unlovable, we don’t deserve to be seen and wanted and appreciated how we desire. These narratives begin to be written, and they play out over the course of our lives in conscious or unconscious ways until our internal dialogue is full of doubt, self-criticism, self-hatred, isolation, fear or insecurity.

If you really took inventory on your inner voice, who are they? How do they treat you? What do they say when something good happens? What about when something “bad” or challenging happens? How quick are you to give up on yourself? How quick are you to give up on your dreams or goals?

Well, let me tell you something. Wherever you fall in this, you are not alone. Despite me writing this, I have had a day full of doubt. Feeling like a burden, like a failure, like a fraud. I have been moving from a state of fear and doubt, from a state of fight or flight. Thinking “well, my coaching business hasn’t taken off in a month, so that must mean it isn’t going to work” and “I guess I need to start applying to jobs again if I ever want to live on my own” and “Who did I think I was leaving corporate America, I am not good enough to be an entrepreneur and a coach”.

This is the ego, this is not me. This is the version of our consciousness that was created to keep us safe, but it KEEPS US SMALL! It tells us that we cannot do new or uncomfortable things because [insert past story here]… maybe “because I almost fainted when I gave a speech in college and who am I now to be a coach when I hate public speaking?! Didn’t I know that was a huge part of this?!” or “I am not pretty enough, no one will want to work with me” or “People don’t REALLY like me, remember those girls in high school?”

These are a few of my narratives that try to keep me small and “safe” but how safe am I actually? I don’t feel safe when I think these things, I don’t feel safe when I recluse and start backtracking from my dreams, I don’t feel safe believing that I won’t succeed. What are your narratives? Ask yourself why you keep yourself small. See what comes up for you. And see how these narratives make you feel. How do they lead to inaction, settling, living less than you want, being small, etc.? Remember, “where your attention goes, energy flows” so we are making more of that thought and feeling whenever our attention goes there. We start to really believe it’s our truth.

We will be talking about mineness mentality in the future, but it is really the idea that what happens to me, starting in early development, is my identity. My name, my toys, my trauma, my failed relationship, my body that bullies make fun of, my lack of love. It all becomes our ego, which creates those thoughts, which create those beliefs, all of which keep us stuck and immobile. If you add in there a dysregulated nervous system, you have a body and mind that are struggling to move forward and working against you.

I know I have jumped around a lot, but I want to share that the most important time to show up for yourself, and to love yourself extra hard, is when you don’t want to. It’s when those limiting beliefs and fears and doubts flood in that your mental fortitude and desire for positivity and love need to be louder. I had a few friends remind me of this today, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

I am a big believer in surrendering and trusting in the process, despite it sometimes looking really scary and unknown. We are so used to planning and controlling things that we forget what it means to let go and let be. When we make our intentions and dreams known, and we spend time pouring into ourselves and healing ourselves, it will all unfold as it is supposed to. For me, that is being okay with not knowing what will happen with my coaching business, where I will live when I get back to Indiana, and who my future partner will be. I have wiped the slate completely clean, and it is the most unknown and uncomfortable time of my life. But I choose here and now, and into the next moments, to appreciate the transition, to focus on the beauty, and to trust in the path. No matter how loud my ego gets, my spirit and love for myself is louder. No matter how scary it all seems, I know my worth, I know my dreams, and I know I can do it. I know it is all happening FOR me and THROUGH me, and it is all about enjoying the ride. That attention is creating energy that is serving me and my highest good, not bringing me down.

Take a moment and really digest this. How much time are you focusing on the goal, or on the future, or on the plan, then you do on the present? They don’t call it the present for a reason (it’s a real gift). Are you seeing it that way? Are you allocating time and gratitude for this moment, no matter how uncomfortable it is? Are you leading with the ego or with the heart/spirit? Are you believing that inner critic and those unserving narratives? Or are you holding space for those things to come up, and then showering them with love and kindness?

Wherever you are, that’s more than okay. We all have moments and eras of time where we are stuck in the goop, we all have moments of dysregulation and imbalance, we all at some points believe that unkind inner voice. We are human, after all. And we all grew up in a society that functioned this way from our first breath, so what else were we to believe? But it is time to let all of that go. It is time to do the work of returning home to yourself and knowing that who you are, right now, in this very moment, is more than enough. You are worthy of love, of goodness, of joy, of fun, of abundance in all areas of life. You are worthy of everything you want in this life, all of your dreams and goals and desires. You are worthy just because you are. And to really believe that, it starts with ourselves. Giving ourselves the empathy and patience and love and kindness and fun that we so badly want and seek in the world. If that inner voice isn’t kind to you, how do you expect to be kind to others? Or to be able accept kindness from others? You often cannot. And is that a life you truly want to live? We deserve so much more than that.

So, just know that I see you, you are not alone, and I am here for you if you want to talk. Let’s work through this together friend. Let’s give attention to the things that will bring us goodness and love and fun for goodness sake, so the energy will flow there and unfold exactly as it is meant to.

Thanks for reading <3

H