The Ebbs & Flows of Healing
Hi friends, happy Friday! I am currently coming to you live from the cutest little coffee shop in the cornfields of Elkhart, IN and I just had to drop in and discuss this idea of the ebb and flow of healing.
So I have been on a journey of facing, listening to, and healing my anxiety and panic attacks since 2020. I was leaning heavily on somatic tools and prevention techniques to do this (more on this to come) and it was helping sometimes. Other times, I was in full fledged panic and no amount of breathing or affirmations or movement was helping.
Then I came across a community called “Peace from Within” that is run by a fellow coach Lily Sais (she’s AMAZING, check her out!!)
She introduced a new concept to me that was so much more simple and easy than the others - when you feel bad, pay no attention to your thoughts. They are broken and NOT true and taking away their power is the only way to let them settle. The famous quote “This too shall pass” is so relevant to anxiety and panic, because eventually you truly do move through it. Sometimes it can last longer than others, and it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings you can experience, but it WILL pass.
She compared this to a snow globe. Essentially, when you are experiencing stress and anxiety, this is equivalent to the snow globe being shaken, and all the little snow particles are our chaotic thoughts. When we try to “fix” this feeling of being shaken up, we only shake ourselves up more. We do this through thoughts, techniques, or resistance of any kind. We think that there is something wrong and we have to fix it, when the only way to the other side is through. We must sit in the thoughts or feelings and understand that they are not true, they are not a reflection of us, and that they WILL pass.
So this whole shift has been extremely profound because it has helped me see how true this is. Tapping into the present moment instead of getting caught up in the thoughts has helped it pass so much quicker, and has helped a lot with my health anxiety in knowing that there actually isn’t anything to worry about. I am safe.
However, it isn’t always that easy. Some situations are easier to move through than others, especially when you are just starting this reframing process. Just when I thought I was excelling at this new way of thinking, I am standing in line waiting to order my coffee and am overcome with the sensations of anxiety and dizziness, thinking I am going to faint. My initial reaction is to run away, to sit and breathe, to panic. But then Lily’s voice came into my mind and I was reminded that these feelings are coming from bad thoughts and they aren’t true, so I cannot trust them. I felt a sense of ease come over me realizing that this would pass, and that I was safe. However, those feelings of panic and ease came in waves, and didn’t completely cease for many minutes.
Why am I sharing this?
For one, I want to normalize to you, if you experience anxiety and panic attacks, that you are not alone. That even coaches and individuals who specialize in this work still struggle. We are all human!
I also wanted to show that the healing journey is not linear. It is not perfect. It is not beautiful and shiny in all moments. It can be hard and scary and heavy too. But isn’t this the foundation of life? The yin and yang of it all?
How would we know that it was light if it was never dark? How would we know happiness if we were never sad?
It reminds me of the book & movie The Giver, where only one person per generation can experience feelings, colors, and memories. Everyone else in society sees black and white and doesn’t stray from a normal calm feeling. They are completely unaware of anything outside of their society, including history.
Could you imagine not being able to feel peace when sitting next to the ocean? Or joy when you see a baby take their first steps? What about pride when you finish your degree or gratitude for your grandpa’s cute face?
Now imagine you ALWAYS felt peace, or joy, or pride, or gratitude. No other feelings. Wouldn’t that just be your normal feeling then? It wouldn’t be special, it wouldn’t even have a name. It would just be our normal way of being.
What makes it distinct, and special, and even enlightening, is that the darkness exists to balance it. The sadness, anger, fear, confusion, pain, disappointment. And to let you in on a little secret - those feelings are also distinct, and special, and enlightening. Every single moment is a teacher and offers lessons to grow and evolve and FEEL. You just have to be open to this and it will be true.
So coming back to my experience today in the coffee shop, a place that is so stinking cute and wholesome and yet I am standing in line panicking, gave me an opportunity to think about all of these things. To accept that these thoughts and feelings are not true and are not serving me, so I can just let them settle. To realize that life is a journey, it is not linear and will come with unexpected twists and turns. And to recognize the lesson in this moment, which is that I am still human and that I am okay to not always be okay.
I do have a dream of going out into society and not worrying about panicking or fainting or anything other than joy and love, but that isn’t necessarily realistic. We all experience stress, and worry, and anxiety. The antidote to living in this state less is love. Love for ourselves, love for our communities, love for the journey. When we move away from embarrassment and shame in the areas where we struggle and instead embrace them with open arms, they no longer have power over us.
Healing, and life in general, has its ebbs and flows. Remember to approach each moment with love, openness, and appreciation for the lessons and you will be free.
All my love,
Hannah